Fake friends aren’t
friends but do smile
Whether it’s beginning a new diet, a new job or going back to
school, the people you may count on the most may show you a less than
supportive side. No matter what these fake friends say, they are not your
friends. They are people who came into your life to compete with you and drag
you back, so they can move forward feeling good when they compare themselves to
you.
These fake friends are not afraid of your success. They are afraid
that your success will make them look like a failure. They are self-centered so
they cannot think very far past themselves. You may have experienced this with
diets, financial plans, and even moving. Those most afraid of failing will be
the worst with your potential success.
Let’s say, for example, that you decide to get
your budget under control. The behaviors you enlist to accomplish this goal may
terrify your deeply in debt fake friend. Since they cannot admit this, your
fake friend may talk about how cheap you are because you no longer want to go
out to dinner, or they may say in front of you and others that you have changed
and have become more self-centered. You being sensitive may misread this, and
begin to reflect on it. This is where the fake friend does the most damage. They want to influence you in a manner where you believe
them and doubt yourself. It
may be difficult not to, because you are thinking, “Well, they are my friend.”
Stop the thought process there…they are NOT your friend. They are your
saboteur.
When you identify your saboteur or fake friend,
it is important that you know how to deal with them, without sacrificing your
goals. Below are suggestions, but my first and most highly recommended
suggestion is to be upfront and direct about what you are seeing. A fake friend is just that, whether you sleep with
them or only see them once a week for coffee. They need to know you do not
appreciate their behavior and you see it clearly.
1.
If the
friend is only an occasional friend or person you deal with, cutting off
communication during your working toward your goal may be wise. If your
saboteur is a family member, this may be impossible, but otherwise, since they
aren’t a real friend anyway, I would let them go.
2.
State
your goals clearly to your supportive friends, and have them with you whenever
you are engaged with these family members or fake friends you cannot cut out of
your life. That way, your supportive friends can help support your mission in
the midst of naysayers.
3.
Minimize
the amount of focus you give your goals when in the presence of fake friends.
Since fake friends focus on their own goals and needs, they won’t miss what you
don’t bring up.
4.
Become
more comfortable being alone. Having fake friends drains a lot of energy. Save
that energy you give away to fake friends to accomplish more of what you want
to in life.
In order
to become the best version of ourselves, we need to set goals. Real friends
support our goals and want the best for us. If you set a goal and notice others
trying to dissuade you or make you feel less fun, less worthwhile, or shamed in
any way, that is a red flag the person you thought was a friend is terrified of
their failure if you succeed. Gently back away and leave the room.
